Happy 2012

I know it has been an awfully long time since I have had any words to share with you.  2011 was a year of tragedy in my life, although, it was not without its miracles either.

Below is a brief recap of the happening of 2011:

Tragedy struck with my father passing away leaving his family grieving and sad, but happy that he finally was without pain and home with his savior.

Tragedy struck with the hubby's family, when his parents decided to get a divorce, and all the hurt that spread through the family as a result.  We just pray daily that healing will come and hurtful feelings and words can be mended.

Tragedy almost struck with potential job loss, but God was ever faithful and bringing us through and blessing us further with promotions and opportunities to further his glory in our volunteer efforts.

Blessings struck when we found out we were going to be parents.  As scary and terrified as we are, we know that God has his hand on our son and it has been wonderful to watch his growth or should I say my belly growth.

Blessings struck when even though our best friends moved away, we still have remained close and I believe have a stronger relationship with them than ever before.

I haven't written before now because I was at a loss of what to say and write.  It seemed like daily there was some new drama or hurt that came into our lives.  I reflected on the words of my earthly daddy "if you didn't have anything nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all" or the words of my heavenly father from Proverbs 20:25 "It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows. "  So, I was silent and prayed.  I prayed for resolutions, healing, and that God's glory would come, and I am still praying.

As I entered 2012, I had hope that the new year would be different, that forgiveness would be the goal.  I have forgiven, I am working hard to forget.  I pray daily for my heart to forget the words that have broken it.  It came to me on one of these mornings the old children's poem....

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can never hurt me.

I now know that whoever penned this was either deaf or blind, because words do hurt.  They hurt to the core of a person, and no matter how hard you try; sometimes they still ring in your ears. God had a little something to say about this in Proverbs 12:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

This made me smile, because I have had encouraging words throughout 2011 and even as we entered 2012.  Family (church and blood), friends, and even colleagues at work, had cheerful words to help me along.  I am forever grateful for these words and have hid them in my heart as treasures. These encouragements have mended parts of my broken heart.

I am no saint, something you might be thinking at this point.  I have wanted to lash out, and be mean.  More than once I almost let the mean girl inside of me out of her box I keep locked deep down inside. But, I couldn't! So close was I to writing, saying, and texting mean things because I was wounded and hurt. The only thing that stopped me was the gentle spirit of God.  I didn't know the words just a feeling that lashing out was wrong.  I searched God's word and found the following:

Proverbs 10:10
Whoever winks maliciously causes grief,
   and a chattering fool comes to ruin.

I didn't want to be a chattering fool and cause ruin.  I wanted to be uplifting because I needed to be uplifted.

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
God did not dethrone and say here Ashley, I give you the reins.  He told me to be his faithful servant, therefore, I couldn't not take revenge, for that would be taking what is the Lords.  And even if for one brief moment I would gain some satisfaction, I do NOT want the wrath of God after me for taking what is his.  My God has perfect aim and is perfect, I do NOT want an enemy that can never fail. 

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
I learned that the Lord is the great Shepherd and he guides us along.  He did not promise the road would be easy or without suffering, but he did promise that he would be with us and never leave us. He would comfort us along the way.  My hope is in the Lord, he is my comfort.  There is a great song that sings praises to this, this is the song of my heart when I feel lonely and hurt.  No matter how dark and crazy the situations turn, my God will never leave me, he walks through with me.

For now, I choose to forgive and I choose to work towards forgetting.  I can't say the road is easy or that I haven't had sleepless nights where I have prayed or thought of mean retorts, but I can say that God has stayed my mouth.  He has taught me over the last several years, that once words are spoken they can never be taken back no matter how many "I'm sorrys" follow.  There is so much suffering out in the world, my goal is for this new year, not to add to the suffering with words that aren't holy and uplifting.  I will leave you with this final thought.

Romans 12:1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies [the mouth is part of the body] as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.