Two Passages that Give me Comfort

Galatians 6

Doing Good to All

 ¹ Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. ² Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. ³ If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. ⁴ Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, ⁵ for each one should carry their own load. ⁶ Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.

 ⁷ Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. ⁸ Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. ⁹ Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. ¹⁰ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

This passage has become one of my favorites over the passed few months.  It gives me comfort when I think my actions and efforts in my ministry are futile and not appreciated.  It has also comforted me when I feel I can’t carry on, because usually in those times a good friend comes to the rescue and gives me the encouragement I need, and all I can say is Thank you to God.  For he always knows when my spirit is weary and He reminds me that my work for his kingdom is good work and that it matters to him, that I am important to Him.  Verses 9-10 are my theme as I think I am either too tired or too pregnant to do all the things that I want to. 

I know that my life is not my own and that the time that I spend in doing the things for the Lord, my harvest will one day be great.  And even when I think the kids on Wednesday nights can’t scream louder and they always do, I think back to this verse and many others for the drive to continue to offer a safe environment for them.  Surprisingly enough after each session of 10-12 weeks, I find that the process of running the program and implementing each night becomes smoother and smoother.  I know this is God’s hand, we as the leaders were faithful and didn’t throw in the towel, so God is faithful as always.  I will be sad when April comes, I have to say good bye to the kids and the program for awhile.  It is for good reason, and even in my joy of becoming a mommy and teaching a new child in the ways of the Lord, I will miss my Wednesday nights kids.

Luke 12

Do Not Worry

 ²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[b]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?

I often worry.  I know, I shouldn’t and have probably written on this subject many times before.  I worry more and more now that I am getting closer and closer to becoming a mom (11weeks and 2 days, but who is counting).  I worry that there will be something wrong with my child or that I will be terrible at breastfeeding or a million other things.  The passage above calms my fears, because Jesus was right (as always), I cannot add a single hour to my life by worrying.  Instead, now I pray harder than I think I ever have.  I pray for the health, happiness, and safety of my child, I pray for the adjustment period our family is about to embark on, I pray that God will have his hand on every thing that happens, and that He will be my shelter and shoulder to lean on.

All my life I wanted what was normal, but then I ask myself what is normal? Normal by the world’s standards has never given me the comfort and security that I have sought.  It is only the narrow that Jesus laid out that has given me comfort and security in life. When I have been on the path less traveled by, the one not easily taken has been when my life has been the most satisfying and rewarding.  I will cling to this as I embark on motherhood and try to embrace all the new challenges, fears, and worries that come with it.  For, I trust that my God is faithful and he always comes through even if I can’t always see it right away.

Just this past week, I was so worried about a particular situation that I couldn’t sleep.  I tossed and turned and for me right now that is very uncomfortable.  All my friends said not to worry or lose sleep, but I couldn’t help it.  I prayed with all my might that God would take the situation, and you know what.  He DID!  The next day it seemed everything had worked out without me, God had paved the way for my anxiety to go away.  I believe it was his subtle way of telling me “Just trust in me.”

I can’t say that I will stop worrying completely but I am striving to learn this principle and apply it.  You are probably thinking that this is the worst time to implement something so hard, when your worries are going to increase 100fold soon.  But, I look at it as God’s way for preparing me for motherhood and to chill me out, so I can enjoy the experience and not worry the time away and miss it.

The Love Day

Today is Valentine's Day or to single people looking for that special someone "Singles Awareness Day."

I used to be one of those single people that dreaded Valentine's Day, because I always felt lonely or left out.  I thought that if I met my sweety right then those days would be behind me, and I would get what all those chick flicks talk about.  Well, I have news for you, when I got married I still was without a Valentine on the love day.  My husband travels and it seems like every year he has to be gone on Valentine's day.  Now, I know that he is still my Valentine, and I love him dearly, plus we don't really do the stereotypical Valentine's plans anyway.  But all my single days, I thought I was going to get this fairy tale, story book, Valentine's day, and I didn't.  I got something better.

Better, you say, is a relative term and if you wanted the "storybook" deal why are you writing this, you ask.  Well I will tell you.  The storybook romance isn't real.  It is, in part, in the beginning of a relationship when you still wear makeup everywhere because you want him to think you naturally look like that all the time.  But, relationships are work, HARD WORK.  Not work that is bad, but work that is rewarding, and fulfilling, and worth it if the other person works just as hard as you.

Our pastor delivered a message on Sunday about Love, and sharing love with everyone on Valentine's Day.  God's love.  I believe that my Love Days are special because we don't just make grand gestures on specials days like Valentine's Day, Anniversaries, Birthdays, etc. We try to make every day special.  We do this because we love each other, and we love God.  God loves us every day, so we love each other every day.  Therefore, on random days, we do special things for one another.  The hubby buys me just cause presents, like the other day.  My tea strainer broke and I was very upset because I have tea leaves and it is hard to drink tea with them floating to the top of your mug.  He brought one home because he knew I needed a new one, so now every time I have a cup of tea, I think about my honey bunny.  Or me...I do the majority of the grocery shopping, and sometimes when I feel he needs a pick me up, I will buy him a surprise at the store, something that he likes, but I don't normally buy.  Example: those frosted sugar cookies with the colored icing.  Those cookies make my teeth hurt just looking at them, but he enjoys them.  I don't like him to have them very often because they are really bad for you, but sometimes you just have to let them enjoy!

Here are a few verses of what God says about love:

1 John 4:7
[ God’s Love and Ours ] Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.
1 John 4:21
And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.

John 13:34
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
1 Peter 1:22
Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for each other, love one another deeply, from the heart.
These are just a few verses of so many that our creator speaks about love.  I can't even say that I up hold one of these truths all the time.  So instead of focusing on what we don't get for Valentine's day or what our Valentine's day isn't, I am going to try to love like these verses and so many others teach.

I want to love my husband, and my future child as much as God loves us. God commands that we love.  Love isn't a bad thing, it is something to devote oneself too.  God loved us first, so we can love...that kind of love is amazing.  To be loved by another human like that is a great thing.  That is what I want to strive for this Valentine's day, to love like Christ Loved! (He loved with his very life).

Worries!

I find myself constantly having panic attacks these days.  I have read in my pregnancy books that this is a common thing, but didn't think it would happen to me.  The hubs thinks that I am freaking out for nothing, and it is hard to explain to him my fears.

My first fear was that I wasn't really pregnant but just getting super fat; almost as if I had a giant tumor growing in my abdomen.  Here is the point where my mother would give me a dirty look and say not to call her grand baby that, but I really felt this way.  I was super excited on my first and second ultrasound to see the critter as I call him, look like he should.  So first fear subsided but didn't go away totally.  It just went into the back of my brain replaced by fear number 2.

Fear number 2 was that my baby would be damaged because of my job.  I am a research chemist, and have taken all kinds of precautionary measures to guard myself and baby.  But then you hear the stories.  Stories about how they knew someone with my job and their kid got autism...great I think because not only do I have that job, but I am having a boy.  And boys are 4 times more likely than girls to get it.  I rationalize to myself that autism doesn't run in my family, but then the fear of they don't know what causes autism creeps up.  So now every time I do something in the lab at work, I pray God keep my baby safe.  Again the hubby thinks I have lost it and that baby boy will be just fine, but I can't help the panic attacks.

Fear number 3 was that my life is going to change and I am going to have no friends and no life.  Besides the fact that I think that my baby is going to have a disability, I think that I am going to be trapped at home with no relief.  People have even questioned my decsion to come back to work and put my kid in daycare.  They say "You aren't going to want to leave that baby" or "You won't be doing that once the baby comes."  Come on people give me a break...I already think those things.  I don't need to be reminded.  I second guess every decsion we have made regarding junior here.  Even though we have picked and have a spot at one of the best daycares in the city, I still ask the hubsand if we made the right choice.  I just think that if I were to be a stay at home mom, I woud feel trapped and resentful.  Now, I am glad I have the option if I change my mind, and I am glad that their are people out there that choose that and succeed.  I just don't see myself as one of them.

Fear number 4 was fear of being a terrible mother.  I have these wonderful ideas of parenting, but I wonder if they are wonderful or harmful.  They line up with parenting books ideas, and it isn't like I haven't been around kids, taught kids, and run kids programs.  But, I don't want to screw up my kids life.  To that people say "It doesn't matter you are going to anyway." Well thanks, that sort of gives me the confidence booster I need.  I am grateful for those who tell me I am going to be a great mom, but I really want to ask them how they know.  Because I don't???  I want to be a fun mommy who cares, is there for and supports my child.

Probably my biggest fear of them all is Fear number 5.  The fear of losing control.  I know right, me a control freak, who would have guessed that?  It was hard when I gave my control of my life to God, but that was the greatest decision I ever made.  Granted it was well after I had accepted Christ, I just had to be reminded that my life is not my own.  The question remains, can I do the same when it comes to my child?  Can I give God the control and seek his wisdom and listen and do what he speaks?  I worry that I won't be able to, and that my child will suffer because I didn't listen, I didn't obey, and I didn't have enough faith.

I find comfort from these:

Psalm 68:19
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.
Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Philippians 4:6-7
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

Thirst

Being that I am now 22 1/2 weeks pregnant, I find myself thirsty all the time.  I feel that I can't possibly drink any more water and yet I am so thirsty.  I wake up thirsty and I am thirsty before bed even after I drink a whole glass of water (which btw doesn't help the having to pee every five minutes thing).

To try and solve this dilemma, I carry around my handy water bottle that doesn't look so good these days.  I have abused it and it maybe time to trade it in for a new model.  As I sit at my desk today, I am was reminded that we will always be thirsty, our thirst will never be sated.  God says something about this....

John 4: 13-14
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

This is a comfort to know that God is a provider not just for hunger and thirst, but in all things.  He has given me and my hubby so much this past year.  It is easy to focus on all the negative things around us that try to drag us down into despair, but our hope has remained in the Lord.

Psalm 33:18
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,

We have been so blessed this year by the Lord, that I feel some what guilty in my last post.  I was so wrapped up in hurt and despair by mean words that I have forgotten all the blessings we have had.

We thank God for the joys, blessings, and rewards he has provided...without him we would have fallen into despair and ruin.

God Blessed us with good friends, who were their in our time of need, sorrow, joy, and triumph.

God Blessed us with provisions, God never fails to provide and he continues to provide for us.

God Blessed us with hope, even in times of tragedy, he gave us hope that trouble times would pass and suffering wasn't permanent, but a life lesson to help others around us.

God Blessed us with love and companionship; through our struggles and times of joy, this was a learning year as a couple.  We learned that as we leaned on God, we showed us how to lean on each other for support, wisdom, and comfort.  As a couple we grew so much and learned so much about one another, that our marriage is now stronger (we still have a long way to go though folks).

God Blessed us with family; we love our families through the good and the bad.  Even if we seem far and distant, we pray constantly for each members' safety, and life.  God blessed us with family of our own even when I thought stress and sorrow would make that miracle an impossibility.  (See pregnancy comment above).

These are the treasures I want to remind myself of from 2011 not the bad.  I know the bad stuff is the juicy drama that feeds gossip and conversations, and I find myself somewhat guilty of falling into the trap.  It is the blessings that people often forget in times of sorrow, strife, and suffering, but regardless of all that has happened and will, my goal besides the one previously mentioned in the last post, is to focus on what God has done because God is Good ALL THE TIME.

Happy 2012

I know it has been an awfully long time since I have had any words to share with you.  2011 was a year of tragedy in my life, although, it was not without its miracles either.

Below is a brief recap of the happening of 2011:

Tragedy struck with my father passing away leaving his family grieving and sad, but happy that he finally was without pain and home with his savior.

Tragedy struck with the hubby's family, when his parents decided to get a divorce, and all the hurt that spread through the family as a result.  We just pray daily that healing will come and hurtful feelings and words can be mended.

Tragedy almost struck with potential job loss, but God was ever faithful and bringing us through and blessing us further with promotions and opportunities to further his glory in our volunteer efforts.

Blessings struck when we found out we were going to be parents.  As scary and terrified as we are, we know that God has his hand on our son and it has been wonderful to watch his growth or should I say my belly growth.

Blessings struck when even though our best friends moved away, we still have remained close and I believe have a stronger relationship with them than ever before.

I haven't written before now because I was at a loss of what to say and write.  It seemed like daily there was some new drama or hurt that came into our lives.  I reflected on the words of my earthly daddy "if you didn't have anything nice to say you shouldn't say anything at all" or the words of my heavenly father from Proverbs 20:25 "It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one’s vows. "  So, I was silent and prayed.  I prayed for resolutions, healing, and that God's glory would come, and I am still praying.

As I entered 2012, I had hope that the new year would be different, that forgiveness would be the goal.  I have forgiven, I am working hard to forget.  I pray daily for my heart to forget the words that have broken it.  It came to me on one of these mornings the old children's poem....

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words can never hurt me.

I now know that whoever penned this was either deaf or blind, because words do hurt.  They hurt to the core of a person, and no matter how hard you try; sometimes they still ring in your ears. God had a little something to say about this in Proverbs 12:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords,
   but the tongue of the wise brings healing.

This made me smile, because I have had encouraging words throughout 2011 and even as we entered 2012.  Family (church and blood), friends, and even colleagues at work, had cheerful words to help me along.  I am forever grateful for these words and have hid them in my heart as treasures. These encouragements have mended parts of my broken heart.

I am no saint, something you might be thinking at this point.  I have wanted to lash out, and be mean.  More than once I almost let the mean girl inside of me out of her box I keep locked deep down inside. But, I couldn't! So close was I to writing, saying, and texting mean things because I was wounded and hurt. The only thing that stopped me was the gentle spirit of God.  I didn't know the words just a feeling that lashing out was wrong.  I searched God's word and found the following:

Proverbs 10:10
Whoever winks maliciously causes grief,
   and a chattering fool comes to ruin.

I didn't want to be a chattering fool and cause ruin.  I wanted to be uplifting because I needed to be uplifted.

Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.
God did not dethrone and say here Ashley, I give you the reins.  He told me to be his faithful servant, therefore, I couldn't not take revenge, for that would be taking what is the Lords.  And even if for one brief moment I would gain some satisfaction, I do NOT want the wrath of God after me for taking what is his.  My God has perfect aim and is perfect, I do NOT want an enemy that can never fail. 

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
I learned that the Lord is the great Shepherd and he guides us along.  He did not promise the road would be easy or without suffering, but he did promise that he would be with us and never leave us. He would comfort us along the way.  My hope is in the Lord, he is my comfort.  There is a great song that sings praises to this, this is the song of my heart when I feel lonely and hurt.  No matter how dark and crazy the situations turn, my God will never leave me, he walks through with me.

For now, I choose to forgive and I choose to work towards forgetting.  I can't say the road is easy or that I haven't had sleepless nights where I have prayed or thought of mean retorts, but I can say that God has stayed my mouth.  He has taught me over the last several years, that once words are spoken they can never be taken back no matter how many "I'm sorrys" follow.  There is so much suffering out in the world, my goal is for this new year, not to add to the suffering with words that aren't holy and uplifting.  I will leave you with this final thought.

Romans 12:1
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies [the mouth is part of the body] as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.

Psalm 4

    For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm of David.

 ¹ Answer me when I call to you,
   my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress;
   have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
 ² How long will you people turn my glory into shame?
   How long will you love delusions and seek false gods^[b]?^[c]
3 Know that the LORD has set apart his faithful servant for himself;
   the LORD hears when I call to him.
 ⁴ Tremble and^[d] do not sin;
   when you are on your beds,
   search your hearts and be silent.
⁵ Offer the sacrifices of the righteous
   and trust in the LORD.
 ⁶ Many, LORD, are asking, “Who will bring us prosperity?”
   Let the light of your face shine on us.
⁷ Fill my heart with joy
   when their grain and new wine abound.
 ⁸ In peace I will lie down and sleep,
   for you alone, LORD,
   make me dwell in safety.

After reading this “song,” it made me think of another more contemporary song that has similar truths, Jeremy Camp’s Understand.

http://cifraclub.terra.com/jeremy-camp/understand/

This gave me comfort, because I know the Lord hears the cries of my broken heart and understands all things when I cannot.  He is the Lord who brings prosperity and joy, and He is the Lord that comforts during times of suffering and pain.  Even though I fail, He never fails me.

Psalm 3

A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.

 ¹ LORD, how many are my foes!
   How many rise up against me!
² Many are saying of me,
   “God will not deliver him.”^[b]
 3 But you, LORD, are a shield around me,
   my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
⁴ I call out to the LORD,
   and he answers me from his holy mountain.
 ⁵ I lie down and sleep;
   I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
⁶ I will not fear though tens of thousands
   assail me on every side.
 ⁷ Arise, LORD!
   Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
   break the teeth of the wicked.
 ⁸ From the LORD comes deliverance.
   May your blessing be on your people.

If my son was pursuing me with death and destruction, not sure if I would be able to write something like this. I would probably want to smite them...but then David was a man after God's own heart, and I am still working on being a woman after God's heart.

Psalm 2

 ¹ Why do the nations conspire^[a]
   and the peoples plot in vain?
² The kings of the earth rise up
   and the rulers band together
   against the LORD and against his anointed, saying,
³ “Let us break their chains
   and throw off their shackles.”

 ⁴ The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
   the Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ He rebukes them in his anger
   and terrifies them in his wrath, saying,
⁶ “I have installed my king
   on Zion, my holy mountain.”
 ⁷ I will proclaim the LORD’s decree:
   He said to me, “You are my son;
   today I have become your father.
⁸ Ask me,
   and I will make the nations your inheritance,
   the ends of the earth your possession.
⁹ You will break them with a rod of iron^[b];
   you will dash them to pieces like pottery.”
 ¹⁰ Therefore, you kings, be wise;
   be warned, you rulers of the earth.
¹¹ Serve the LORD with fear
   and celebrate his rule with trembling.
¹² Kiss his son, or he will be angry
   and your way will lead to your destruction,
for his wrath can flare up in a moment.
   Blessed are all who take refuge in him.

Wow this is power stuff.  Makes you think about the world today, and hope and pray that our nation heeds the word of God. I know God will not forget his people, but I am scared that our nation will become so PC that we will be a nation that believes in nothing.  I am for freedom of choice because God gave us free will and I would never want to take someone’s free will from them.  It is our calling as children of God to spread the Good News and disciple people in God’s word.  First, it has to be their choice to accept the Free Gift. I am getting really tired of all the media reports saying one thing or another is the right way and to Heck with anyone else’s point of view.  I am also sick and tired of people lumping all Christians in with the fanatics that give us a bad name.  I believe in the first amendment, all of the first amendment.  If you truly believe and want that freedom of speech you must accept and fight for the person who shouts on the street corner opposite you saying words you morally oppose. To quote one of my favorite movies The American President:  "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.”

The writers of that film got it right, it is okay to disagree, but to spew hate because you believe something else and not allow others to have a point of view or allow them an outlet to express it, is what our forefathers ran from in the first place.  I truly believe most American’s do not understand what our freedoms are and yes you can say it is your freedom to say something, but it is someone’s freedom to say the opposite.  We are not talking about what is morally or ethically right or values in manners that should guide all our tongues, but what is an American right.  For now I speak my mind and vote the way I choose based on my research and my reflection (okay I go to God for the reflection part, again my right, free exercise of religion).

I serve the one true God, and by doing so I am going to help the poor, help the needy, put others first, and treat others with respect.  If all those things sound horrible to you, then I don’t know what planet you live one, and worry about your sanity.  Note I didn’t say I would beat you over the head with my Bible.  If you want to know about my faith or what I believe, ask.  I will talk openly and freely about what I believe (my right) and let you know what it has done for me.  I will not overwhelm you with it or talk to you about it if you have expressed to me that you do not want to hear it (your right).  I would kindly ask the same in return. 

Psalm 1

Psalm 1:

 ¹ Blessed is the one
   who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
   or sit in the company of mockers,
² but whose delight is in the law of the LORD,
   and who meditates on his law day and night.
³ That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
   which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
   whatever they do prospers.

 ⁴ Not so the wicked!
   They are like chaff
   that the wind blows away.
⁵ Therefore the wicked will not stand in the judgment,
   nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
 ⁶ For the LORD watches over the way of the righteous,
   but the way of the wicked leads to destruction.

It has been on my heart for some time to read a Psalm a day.  I don't know why this is so, but even in preparing lesson's for my 2yr. old class, I find myself coming back to the Psalms.  My heart is hurting and has been for several weeks now.  I need to figure out the hurt and be able to express it.

My birthday was last Tuesday, yup I am 29! The weird part is I was not excited about this birthday as I have about all other birthdays.  Normally, I can't sleep the night before with anticipation of my big day; even as an adult I get excited.  This year I was not excited when I woke that day, I wasn't excited when my dear husband wished me well, and was not me on that day.  I didn't really want people to know that it was my birthday.  The hardest part was opening the card my mom sent.  I thoroughly appreciated the card and the gift, but the card was just from her.  It didn't say love mom and dad, it just said, love mom.  Love mom means the world to me, don't get me wrong, I love my mom and am glad she is my mother. But my dad always picked out my cards.  He took his time and always seemed to pick out the right one for that year.  I cried when I opened it because he was missing.  I think that is why I wasn't excited, he was missing, so how could I be excited?

My husband out did himself in the gift he gave, a weekend to be pampered and told that I was loved.  And nothing could take away the wonderful time I had at Starr Pass with him. But I would have traded all that pleasure and enjoyment for one more day with my dad.  And that makes me feel awful and wicked, that  I would trade the wonderful time with my husband, the man God gave to me, because He knew I would need him. 

My prayer today as I read the above Psalm...Lord lead me to the path of the righteous and keep me from my wicked thoughts.  Help me delight in the memories and look forward to the future you have in store. Lord, please watch over me because I will fail on my own. Keep me from my gossiping ways and help me to be strong in your law, which is truth and right!

Bad Teacher

So if you didn't know this past weekend, I drove with my friend to Houston where she and her husband are moving.  I am super sad that I lost one of my besties in Tucson, but happy for them in their pursuit of better job opportunities.  I am happy that they moved to a big city that is easy to get to by plane so now I have a bestie in TX.

After driving around their new city for two days it was time to say goodbye, but before they took me to the airport we went to see a movie.  Bad Teacher.  Okay so not the most award winning of all films, and most of the themes of this movie remind of what is wrong with America, but still funny in the incredibly sad really this is what our culture has come too kind of way.  The one thing this movie did rekindle in me, the love of teaching.  If America's youth are subjected to what this movie portrayed in any way, maybe it is time for a career change.

I sometimes feel that America's teens are only interested in smart phones, texting, and whatever new thing the media says is cool and up-incoming.  But I don't necessarily think that is different from what I grew up with, I just think the media has new ways of getting to these youth.  Lets face it, when I was in high school, you were cool if you had a pager and spent hours downloading and ciphering the messages, you know the first texts.

I think school has become some thing that teens must get through in order to have a life they feel promised by the media, like as soon as you turn 18 you are magically handed a million dollars, fast car, and a cool significant other.  Then college hits and the rude awakening happens, that you should have learned to study in high school, grades matter, and just because you are cute doesn't mean you don't get to ask "Do you want fries with that?"

From the limited exposure to teens that I have, I know of some that can't tell time unless it is a digital watch, some don't know all the months in a calendar year, let alone how to spell them correctly, and they have no concept of what a literary work is.  I find that this is wrong, I find that many of our youth's education systems are failing them. Lets put on hold the whole obesity issue and the lack of gym and extra cirriculars, what happened to learning grammar, reading novels, and learning math?  How many students can actually do percentages without a calculator?  I know many adults my own age that can't seem to grasp this so how can we except our youth to do this?  Now, I sometimes transpose numbers, especially if I am doing big sums or multiplication in my head...there is no shame in writing it down to prove it to yourself, but when you can't tell me that 10% of 20 is 2, something is wrong.

Note I have never taught in the public school system. My limited exposure to teaching was at the collegiate level while I was making my way as a lowly graduate student, but what I saw there gave me a glimpse at the high school's these newly adults haled.  I found that many of them couldn't write a complete sentence, had no idea what a comma splice or a comma was, and couldn't come up with synonyms to save their lives.  I am not the best writer, and unless I use a dictionary or spell check, my words may not be spelled correctly, but I do proof read and ask others to as well, because I don't want to churn out garbage that will reflect poorly on me.  This, however, was not taught to the students that I had, because frankly they didn't think anything was wrong with their writing.  I had a student write in their discussion section of the first lab report "This was a really neat experiment that I have never done before."  This was after I explained the purpose of this section.  This was not the worst one.

I find it odd that people aren't saying it is cool to be smart.  Let us think of the wealthiest people in the world, sure many of them were drop outs, but guess what, they worked hard,which is the smart way to go.  That is the kicker, kids these days don't want to to work hard. They think that just because they breathe and made it through a couple hurdles that they deserve these nice salaries, and don't have to put in the time and energy into it.  I know some people in my own generation that have these delusions of grandeur.  You can't expect to start out at the highest paying job, you have to put in your dues just like everyone else.  Because guess what?  You are not special, yes to God and your family and friends you are, in the working world you are just another bee.  You are replaceable; your attitude, how you conduct yourself, and reputation can all get you fired.  And you know what? No one will give you anything for free, and if they say they will, watch out because you don't want that kind of free.

Manners is another thing that went.  I look at people I work with and how they talk to one another and think when did we stop being polite?  When did rudeness become the new norm?  Just because you don't like some one or think they are wrong, doesn't give you the right to forget to say please and thank you.  Don't bark orders and become instantly rude to people because that just makes you look less intelligent and less approachable.  Lets face it intelligence and approachability are retention factors that can help you keep a job.  So by all means let us be rude and lose those qualities.  I remember when I was in school it was always Ms (Mrs.) or Mr. never hey, or just calling them by their last name.  Yeah is never okay when Yes would work better. 

If I were to run a school this is what kids would learn:
Manners, reading, writing, math, science, history, and technology.  Manners to get to you to where you need to be, reading to understand what is excepted, writing to allow you to communicate, math and science so you can evaluate and problem solve, history so you know where you came from and what not to repeat, and technology because that is what our world boils down to. Then we would do gym...because you can't sit all day!  Once you mastered those subjects, then you can add other outlets, because art appreciation and music are wonderful and should be apart of a well rounded individual.

I always questioned why in every science class I took in college we had to write a paper.  Now, I want to thank those professors that assigned that task, because if I hadn't I wouldn't know how to write a technical paper nor would I know how to construct a memo for the office.

And now I will get off my soap box! (At least for today)!

One Month

It has been one whole month without my daddy, and I still can't believe I can't pick up the phone and talk to him. I can't believe a month ago Monday we put him to rest.



Nothing prepares you for this, nothing prepares you for the knowing that there isn't one more. I remember as a kid saying one more daddy, one more! Where is my one more now?



The realization came yesterday that I have a bunch of nevers to deal with:

• I will never be daddy's little girl anymore


• I will never have another birthday card from my daddy


• I will never have another Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. with my daddy.


• My dad will never again get to help me decorate for his favorite holiday, my Christmas tree will never look the same ever.


• I will never get my dad's fried chicken, gravy, and mashed potatoes, my absolute favorite meal.


• I will never get to introduce my children to the greatest dad in the whole world.


• I will never here, I love you sweetie again (even though I hate sweetie but he was allowed, he was my dad).


• There are just too many "I nevers"

To those of you who have dad's still on earth, cherish every minute spent, every conversation discussed, and every memory making moment created.

To those of you like me, I am glad my dad is with my heavenly father watching out for me.

Here is a photo of one of the last vacations we did. The Grand Canyon

Father's Day

Father's Day or what I used to call Dad's Day because father sounded to formal.

If you haven't heard, I lost my father on June 7th. So Sunday was my first Dad's Day without him. That day I decided not to hide under the covers, but ventured out and do my normal activities on Sunday...I went to church. I didn't hide when the tears kept coming even though I hate crying in public. I stood tall because that is how I could honor my dad, tears and all.

My dad has been sick for a very long time, and the Lord called him home. We think it was a massive heart attack but we didn't have an autopsy done, because it wouldn't change the fact that he was gone. I used up all my vacation time (worth it) to spend time with my mom and sister and to help with all the stuff that comes with the loss of a close loved one.

I was touched by the love and support, prayers and sympathy we received from so many people. I was honored to hear all the wonderful stories people had about my dad. He loved to laugh, play practical jokes, and just be "nuts" as my mom always said him.

Below is the obituary that was printed about him, with picture.






Randall L. Heady, 59, of Louisville, passed away suddenly on June 7, 2011 at Sts. Mary and Elizabeth Hospital. He was a retired quality assurance manager for Dawn Food Products. Randy was a member of Carlisle Avenue Baptist Church, the Gideon's, did delivery for Meal On Wheels, and worked for the Arch L. Heady & Sons Funeral Homes.

Let to cherish his memory are his loving wife of 32 years, Kay Clark Heady; daughters Amber Heady Smith (Andrew), Ashley Heady Bulldis (Brandon); brother, Calvin L. Heady (Janice); sister, Kathy Heady Clark (Richard) and numerous other extend family and friends.

His Celebration of Life Service will be on Saturday, June 11, 2011 at 10 a.m. at the Arch L. Heady at Resthaven Chapel, 4400 Bardstown Road with interment in Louisville Memorial Gardens West. A gathering of family and friends will be on Friday from 12-8 at the funeral home.

Anyone that knew Randy will always remember his infectious smile, his laughter, his always being there to lend a helping hand, and warm hear. He will be greatly missed.

(You can visit the Funeral home website to view this, the guest book, and slide show. http://http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Randall-Heady&lc=2356&pid=151675422&mid=4701372&locale=en_US).

This was a nice tribute. And so were all the kind words spoken about my dad at the visitation and service. I believe the only negative thing said about my daddy was that he ate snickers bars when he wasn't supposed to. I will miss him greatly.

The following is a letter I wrote and had my parent's pastor read at the service. I knew I needed to say something about the man who shaped my life, but knew I couldn't be the one to actually read the words because I wouldn't have been able to choke them out.

First I want to express great appreciation for all the kind words, love, and support my family and I have received from everyone. It has meant the world to us to hear every one's stories and funny moments they shared with my father. Wow that sounds so formal...my dad.

I have so many stories and memories that shuffling through them has brought smiles and tears to me, and I would like to share some of my favorite with you. My dad had as you know a wonderful sense of humor, which I am glad that he passed on to me. Some of those pearls of "wisdom" that he said over the years included:

When I was a little kid looking through family photos, dad joked that he never wanted kids, I then pointed out "How come mom isn't in any of these?" And sure enough most of my baby pictures, dad has a grin plastered on his face and holding both of us, one in each arm.

I was a clumsy kid, I fell down a lot. Dad nicknamed me the band aid queen because band aids made me fell better about the cuts.

I know he didn't want his little girls to date, but he had special advice on "Dating"..An ugly guy with a car is 10 times better than a cute guy without one...at least the ugly guy can take you somewhere, he always said.

Many people know my dad loved practical jokes. And probably many of you here have been on the receiving end of those practical jokes. April fools day was always an interesting day in the Heady House-hold, from the "you have a big cut on your toe" to "mom burned a hole in the kitchen floor," he got us most years.

I have to thank you, dad, for all the things you (and mom) did over the years...

Thanks for all the games of matches and matches (memory), they taught me numbers and math, without it I would have never gotten where I am today.

Thank you for all the encouraging words of "Your not going to wear THAT are you?" You never would let us walk out of the house looking awful.

Thanks for all the stories at family dinners, I know my friends questioned why Heady dinners always lasted 2 hours, but those are some of the best memories I have.

Thanks for all the pep talks and brainstorming sessions. I know it broke your heart to let me go, but thank you for talking me into Arizona, because I am finally happy with the outcome.

Thank you for being a Godly influence and telling me "to never ruin my witness." That example and motto led me to Christ and back to Him, and to my husband. And Thank you for saying yes to that man you didn't know when he called you for my hand. He reminds me of you, and loves me the way you would have wanted.

And most of all daddy, thank you for being you, and always leaving us in stitches over all the crazy things you said or did. That is what I will miss most. Love you! (The printed version of this now lies in my dad's pocket so he can keep it with him).


The Celebration of Life service was nice and probably the hardest event I have ever had to attend. This beats showing up to clean out my desk after I got kicked out of grad school the first time, hands down. How do you say goodbye to some one who has been your support for 28 almost 29 years? How do you look at the body that is left and know that it is the last time you are going to see their face until you go meet Jesus yourself?

I feel (to quote Harry Potter) as if I will never be cheerful again. I can laugh, but it doesn't quite make it to my core. I know that is just the grief, but I wonder when I will ever be truly me again. Or do I become this new me that is different? And, Who does that look like?

Saddnes

I am sad, I just finished another book. I am always sad at the end of a really good book because the new friends I have found in the characters have now gone away.

This book was a story within a story and kept me puzzled until the very end, even though deep down I knew what was going to happen. I only have a couple of questions left unresolved by finishing the book, which just means I will have re-read the book to see if I missed something in my rush to find out what happened.

Carlos Ruiz Zafon is the author of this book "The Angel's Game." He also wrote my favorite book of all time, "The Shadow in the Wind." Amazing stories of mystery, love, horror, and life. I can't do these books justice if I tell you about them and ruin the moments of learning and watching a story unfold. My only hope is that you read these books for yourself. They are great reads, stories that stick with you and make you think.

I did enjoy my weekend of blissful reading even if my husband wasn't there to enjoy in the tranquility of the peace and quiet.

Where to start?

The past several weeks have been an emotional roller coaster, which is probably why I haven't written in quite sometime. I don't want to go into all the specifics of why bad things happen or why situations spiral out of control when the days started out so well.


What I want to talk about is the love I have for my husband. I look at him sometimes and shake my head especially when he tells me he didn't have time to do the dishes but played xbox for an hour, but seriously I shake my head in wonder, because I got lucky! My husband is everything my heart has wished and prayed for my whole life. He has qualities that I didn't even know were important until the past few weeks happened.


He truly is a man after God's own heart, no he is NOT perfect, but a man I trust, respect, and value. He makes me proud to be his wife.

He takes on the struggles and cares of others out love and compassion for them. He carries the burdens of his family without looking for anything in return. He studies, prays, and immerses himself in God's love and word even when people give him a hard time about it. He is a wonderful friend, and provider.

In times of sorrow and times of struggle, I am glad that God gave me a wonderful partner in life to lean on, hold hands with, and walk beside. I just hope he realizes that when people knock him down and say hurtful things to him, that I am always here to love him, to make him feel important, because he is the most important person to me!

The mirror never lies or does it.

As you know I have been working hard on trying to get in better shape and loose some weight. I have had slip ups and haven't exercised as I should in some cases, but am still plugging along. Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror. I still see the same thing...the not so fit girl I see every morning. I see the flawed areas and the areas that I try to pull to show what I want to look like. But you know what happened this week. Two things really. 1) I looked in the mirror and wasn't disgusted. I sort of actually liked the way my body looked curves and all! 2) Three people (at different times) this week said they have noticed how much I have slimmed down recently and gotten into shape. Now the difficult part is keeping this going and keep the postive thinking. God made me and he makes no mistakes, and I am very happy that he sent his special reminders this week to keep me eating healthy and making good choices. I may never be a size 2, but I just may well like me after all.

I need a Hobby

I need a hobby. I have lots of things to do but no hobby that is just my own. Here is the run down of things that I do. Children's Ministry Wednesday Nights Sunday School Teacher Sound Board operator for Church Gym (M, Th, Sat) But these are things I have to leave my house for to go and do! I want something I can do at home that leaves me fulfilled and feeling crafty. I once thought sewing or knitting would be something for me. But I have yet to learn and this would be something else I would have to leave the house for to go and learn. When I have kids I want to be the crafty fun mom. I want to be able to make things for my children that they will appreciate and think is the greatest thing since sliced bread. Right now I can only cook and for the first few years this skill won't even be something they can wow over because they won't be old enough to enjoy it.

Why I like Tuesdays!

Tuesday is the most misunderstood day of the week. Most people hate Tuesday because it follows Monday, isn't Hump-Day (Wednesday), Thursday (only one more day), or Friday (Yay TGIF). Poor little Tuesday must gets its feelings hurt because people have even made up songs about how crappy Tuesday is.

Well I am here to tell you I LOVE TUESDAY! Tuesday is my only day of the week that I get to go home to do whatever I like because I don't have an activity on Tuesday. I secretly (until now) anticipate Tuesday because I know if I am tired I can go home and take a nap, if I forgot to exercise on Monday, I can exercise at my leisure, or if i want to cook something fun for dinner, I will have time to do this. Tuesday has limitless possibilities. It holds a special place in my heart.

I HEART TUESDAY

I am like Alexander!

I am like Alexander and his terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Or at least I was yesterday. This was one of my favorite stories as a child and it applies today.

Yesterday I was tired all day because I could sleep the night before. So I slightly over slept and didn't have time to wash my hair, so I had to wear it in a pony tail...which i think makes my head look really really really small. My outfit made me feel like a guy...and I knew I would be like Alexander.

The day didn't get better because no matter what I touched it broke, got knocked over, or could have killed someone (okay a slight exaggeration) all of which made me hate the day more.

It seems we all go through days like this and it always seems that the days we have to endure this struggle are our most busiest day. Wednesdays are my busy days because of work and church activities. I got to church and I need to personally thank those lovely friends that made me realize that my day wasn't so bad; I was loved, appreciated, respected, and needed.

At least for me, I made my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day worse by dwelling on it. I made those things happen because I was expecting them to keep happening. However, when I stopped and realized I could accomplish goals and have fun, things seemed to turn around. Now I will just have to remember this the next time a day like that appears.

May we all have Wonderful, Awesome, No Bad, Very Good Days!

Am I Weird?

I think I might be the weirdest person ever. I say weird things, and don't know when to quit. I hope this quality is something that my friends find endearing and not annoying.

One of my best friends always tell me I am hilarious, and I make her laugh. I think this is a good thing. I have an aunt that always said she would rather spend her life laughing over crying. So maybe this is my job...to make people laugh. I laugh at myself quite regularly over the words I say (because lets face it I sometimes talk so fast that not all the words come out and my meanings get lost in the shuffle).

Two things I can do...1) I could slow down and allow my thoughts to come regularly. I have tried this but then I sound like I am trying to hard or monotone. 2) Be quieter and not participate in so much conversation. To this I say, "where is the fun in that?"

So I guess my lot in life is the be the funny girl who makes people laugh, and since lots of doctors think laughter is medicine, does that me I cure people? Too bad though that my funniness only occurs in oral conversation and when I try to write it down it becomes cheesy. If cheesy sells though maybe I should write my experiences down.

My Struggle

My struggle my whole life has been my weight. I would probably be shocked to know that there might be people out there that wish they looked like me but I wish I could look in the mirror and not see a fat girl. I do not know my weight, I refuse to know the number. I don't even look when I get on the scale at the doctors office; I shut my eyes. My doctor chuckles, and only ever tells me that I am healthy as a horse. Could she have used another animal please, a skinny one?

I was a fat kid when I was in grade school, which has led to this adult obsession with my weight and how I look in the mirror and in my clothes. I think my husband has given up on trying to convince me otherwise, he just tells me every day that he thinks I am beautiful and wouldn't change a thing about me. (I often think he is deranged)!

I don't want to look like a super model, I just want clothes to fit me right and to walk in a store and have most of the clothes I try on fit the way they are supposed to. I am hippy, and short wasted, with skinny legs (my good feature) and a big chest (good and bad feature). I have to buy shirts that fit in the chest but are like tents every where else. Cute bra/underwear sets, they don't have those in my size ( or as a Victoria Secret sales girl once said we don't have anything here for you, have you tried our catalog?) Am I forced to catalog shop because I am a weird shaped/sized person who can't fit into normal clothes in the department store?

It isn't like I don't exercise. I am pretty good about trying to exercise for at least an hour a day 3 to 4 times a week. I think that is pretty good. Although I should probably do this everyday, it isn't like the days I don't spend my hour doing an exercise routine that I am eating bonbons by the gallons and watching hours and hours of tv. I do other things.

I don't eat too many bad for me things. I try really really hard not to buy bad things at the store and bring them into the house. If I want something I don't deprive myself but do things in moderation which is what all the books, articles, workout people, etc are telling us to do. I get up every morning and do some sort of crunches, push ups, or sit ups to get the blood going to start my day, and still I hate my body.

My church has recently started a Made to Crave bible study by author Lysa Trekeurst. It focuses on Craving God not food. It is supposed to go along with whatever diet and exercise plan you have decided works bests for you. Now I cannot attend the bible study itself because I teach a different class on the night they meet, but the lovely ladies of the class have let me join their online fb group while I do the study at home.

I hope and pray that this is the missing link. That this will teach me to appreciate my body because God doesn't make mistakes. We are all wonderfully and beautifully made by Him. I know he loves me, but hates that I have placed food and the pleasure from food above him. I have so far read the introduction and first chapter and completed the first personal bible study. I find it interesting that the author compared our food struggle with the first struggle of sin. Eve was tempted by food (the fruit from the forbidden tree). She was not starving for God had provided her with everything she would need for nutrition, yet she desired the one thing that she was not supposed to have. I think it is time to deny my french fries, my second portions, and my just one more mentality (these are my crosses) and follow my God and Savior with all I have. Or at the very least begin my journey to accomplish this.

I will keep you posted as to what I learn!